“Are You a Man or a Mouse, I mean a Woman or a Wouse?” (Name that quote)

I’ve been thinking a lot about fear lately and wondering if it serves a spiritual purpose. In the past, I have mostly experienced fear as a paralyzing force. As a singer, for example, I used to suffer from massive stage fright. I had 15 years of formal classical vocal training with one of the top teachers in the world. My expectation was that I should be perfect. Since no one can be perfect, the fear of making a mistake kept me from singing in front of people for many years. If I sang in front of a friend or family member, I would turn my back to them or make them sit in the other room.

It took a huge amount of courage to put together my first one-woman show and perform it in front of 75 of my closest friends and family…in the same room with me facing them. I was terrified! My prayer was “God forbid I make a mistake!” Not only did I make one mistake but, I made tons of mistakes. You see, it turns out I am lyrically challenged. Even if I have been singing a song for 20 years, I am notorious for forgetting the words. So I will always be challenged to face my greatest fear: imperfection. But you know what? I survived!

What I learned from doing that show and the shows that followed is this: making mistakes made me real and it made the show very funny because I embraced my humanness. Facing the fear built courage in me. Courage I never would have accessed had I not had the fear to begin with. Now when I feel fear, I draw on my previous experience to conquer it.

“A Course in Miracles” says, “The opposite of love is fear,” and only the love is real; therefore fear is not real. I believe it takes real courage to choose to love. We can’t develop courage without the existence of fear. So the road to the land of love goes right through fear city. I now understand that fear DOES serve a purpose and it’s a very noble purpose, to build our courage. Mark Twain said, “Courage is not the absence of fear. It is acting in spite of it.”

I recently heard a lecture by Caroline Myss. She said that everyone has a set of archetypes, one of which is “The Victim.” At first glance, victim implies something negative, but it is only through embracing the victim and choosing to face our fears that we become victorious. Overcoming fear requires an action and that action is to face the fear head-on, don’t deny it, accept it as a gift and an opportunity to be victorious and build self esteem.

Driven to Distraction!

Have you ever been on the verge of success and then totally sabotaged yourself? Some people say it’s a fear of success, others say it’s a fear of failure. I say it’s a fear of living life to the fullest.

Over the course of my life, I have had many opportunities to co-create and become God’s greatest expression of myself. As I have stood at the precipice of that greatness, without fail, I allow something, someone or some event to come along and knock me so far back that it seems I am further behind than when I started.

As I have stated in other posts, when I was a teen, my ultimate dream was to sing. I had the opportunity to perform in many large venues with my stepfather, Peter Marshall, who, by the way, is a great singer. Anyway, after he and my mom separated, he started dating a gal who was also a singer. There wasn’t room for the both us on stage. Since I was my mother’s daughter, Peter’s new gal didn’t want me around, so I got the axe. That was the first time that I stood at the mountaintop with a clear vision of my future, when a swift kick in the teeth sent me tumbling into that place where dreams don’t come true. I wouldn’t sing again for years.

On my way back to the top of the mountain, I found a new way to be God’s greatest expression of my self; to write a book helping skeptics find their way to a spiritual path. My writing partner was the skeptic and I was the spiritual teacher, and things with the book were going great. As I stood at the mountaintop with a clear vision of my future, the relationship with my writing partner shattered into a million pieces, and I found myself once again tumbling into that place where dreams don’t come true. I let go of the book, giving all rights to her.

Have you ever felt this way? Like you’re about to achieve your goals, or your dreams are about to come true, and then BAM! You’re back to square one.

I have always taken those kinds of experiences and said, “Well, I guess it wasn’t meant to be.” Maybe it wasn’t, but did I learn from those experiences? Yes, I learned never to partner with a crazy skeptic because you can’t trust them. Oh, and I also learned that just because your stepfather’s latest fling replaces you in a duet, that doesn’t mean she’s a better singer and you should stop singing. But if I learned what I was supposed to learn…then why does this kind of thing keep happening to me?

It happened again this last week. I stood at the mountaintop with a clear vision of my future, when I was kicked in the teeth by very self-destructive thoughts and behaviors. Except this time I faced them head on and confronted them. And this time I wasn’t knocked backward, I was knocked forward. I finally got it! First and foremost, I am responsible for the circumstances in which I find myself. Second and probably most importantly, all of the sideshows that happen as I am trying to make my dreams come true are simply distractions.

[**Jesus Alert** Do not panic, I am about to reference Jesus. Please note: I believe that the parables, stories and symbols in the Bible hold amazing teachings, and that the Bible is not necessarily meant to be taken literally. So please don’t let the reference turn you off.]

Jesus said, “The light of the body is the eye: therefore when thine eye is single [eye on God], thy whole body also is full of light; but when thine eye is evil [meaning ‘the absence of God], thy body also is full of darkness.”

What I take from this is simple. If I keep my eye on God (Spirit, Higher Power or whatever you want to call it), I will have all the light I need to find my way through any darkness or distraction. But if I look closely at my distractions, and give them unwarranted attention, I will find myself tumbling down the mountain and will be consumed by the darkness where dreams don’t come true.

This time I choose to keep mine eye single. I choose light!

If you find yourself distracted and are in a situation where your success is in the balance…keep thine eye single. Choose light and leave the darkness behind.

My Near Death Experience!

I have been thinking a lot about death lately. I recently completed hospice training and it was an awe-inspiring experience that brought me to the realization that my life’s work is death and helping people understand what death can teach us about living.

I had a near death experience a few days ago. I was walking down the stone steps in the picture on the left, I wasn’t in the proper shoes and I slipped. My feet went out from under me so fast. One second I was standing there watching my family by a beautiful river and the next thing I knew, I was eating leaves. In truth, this was but a mere “life’s most embarrassing moment,” not an actual NDE (near death experience), but replace those leaves, that cushioned my head, with rocks and this piece becomes my obituary, not a humorous little spiritual piece on my blog.

I was lucky. I walked away with a bruise on my hip, an achy right arm and shoulder and a very bruised ego. Thankfully, my family will always have a ridiculous image of me lying on the steps plucking leaves out of my hair rather than the alternative.

So what did I learn from this? First of all, always choose your footwear wisely. Seriously, life can change and even be over in an instant. And do you really want to die in the wrong shoes?

Metaphysically speaking, the right side of the body (the side that I injured) represents doing or taking action. My feet (the part of me that faltered) represent my understandings. When I clearly understand what I am supposed to be doing and ignore or choose to take the wrong action, I am sure to lose my footing and get hurt.

Life is too short to let fear of falling on my face or fear of getting hurt, stop me from knowing and living my purpose. You may be wondering, “What is my purpose?” It’s really quite simple. We all are given a set of gifts and experiences that we are meant to master. When we learn, understand and combine our gifts with our experiences, we are then able to help others heal and evolve. Knowledge plus experience equals wisdom.

I can look at my life and know what Spirit wants me to do by looking at the gifts I have (the gift of gab and a gifted voice), combine them with the knowledge I have gleaned from my life experience (which includes having to repeatedly deal with death, loss and overcoming a fear of singing in public) and voila, there is my purpose. To use my voice in all of its capacity to help people grieve, understand death and as a result, live life to the fullest.

What are your gifts? What has your life experience taught you? If you combine your gifts with your life experience, what is your purpose?

Don’t wait to get knocked on your ass before you start living the life you were meant to live. The trick is to put one foot in front of the other. Just make sure both feet are in the right shoes and on your path!

Tune in next week to learn how to overcome your fears.