I See Dead People

So I got a new job since my last post and I had an unbelievable first night of training. I am working at Mission Hospital in Asheville, North Carolina as a Family Support Liaison in the Pastoral Care Department. Part of my training involved “shadowing” the hospital chaplain but I’ll get to that in a moment.

Much of my life’s work has been about death and this job isn’t any different. Essentially, my job is to support family members of patients who are potential organ donors. What that means is that the patient is either brain dead or has such severe brain damage the heart won’t work on its own. It’s pretty heavy stuff but it’s well suited for me as a spiritual grief counselor.

About my training. There were three deaths during my first five-hour shift and two deaths during my next five-hour shift.  If I am at the hospital, you can pretty much count on the fact that there will be at least two deaths per shift. I was beginning to feel a bit like the Grim Reaper himself. Oddly enough, none of the other trainees had experienced the kinds of emergencies and deaths that I had during their training. 

That first night, there was a tragic accident that took the life of a young girl. When the chaplain told the family the devastating news, the father exploded in violence and started punching the wall about five inches from my head resulting in a very large hole in the wall and a very shaky me. 

I experienced first-hand the harm our culture has done to bereaved men. Men aren't supposed to cry and as a result the first emotion a man expresses is anger. I am teaching my son that it is safe and acceptable to express all emotions, including empathy and sadness. I’ve learned another very valuable lesson and that is that having a sense of humor is critical in doing this kind of work and is very healing.

To be honest, while I am maintaining a sense of humor, I am not sure how long I will be able to do this job. I have witnessed so much sorrow and so many freakish accidents leading to death. When I take my son miniature golfing at Tropical Gardens, the rocks and bricks that make up the beautiful landscape represent head injuries to me now. I am constantly saying, “Careful, punkin’!” Would it be wrong to have him sleep with a helmet on even though his bed is only five inches off the ground?

I am reminded daily how valuable life is and how important it is to tell people what they mean to me. If you are reading this, I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, I am grateful for your existence. Whether I have known you, or we’ve never met, you are extremely valuable and my prayer for you is that you live every moment choosing love, humor, empathy and forgiveness.

My prayer for all of us is that we strive to live to our highest potential, giving God and each other the very best that we have to offer. And please don’t forget to wear your helmet, even if you are just checking your email.